What is the point of having a funeral?
Funeral rituals have been around as long as people have. Humans ritualize many life events, such as births, baptisms, weddings, and of course, deaths. Anthroplogists tell us that all cultures conduct some form of ritualized observance at the death of a group member. This implies that there are important cultural and personal needs that are met by the commemoration and social interaction that occur at the time of a death. Psychologists and sociologists agree that funerals and the attendant social interactions are important ways that the individual, the family, and the community adapt to the change brought on by a loss.
What is a traditional funeral?
Although there are many definitions, the traditional funeral usually consists of a viewing (wake), followed by a funeral ritual and ground burial. Typically, a viewing requires embalming. There are many variations on this theme. It is the most popular means of memorialization in America.
What if the deceased expressed wishes that are different from what are ‘traditional’?
It is important to try to accomodate such requests. Your funeral director can work with you to accomodate your wishes and can counsel you as to matters of legality, local customs, and the requirements of the local churches, cemeteries, and clergy. An ideal situation would be to meet with your funeral director to make ‘pre-arrangements’ that are both reasonably priced and satisfactory to all.
Some people express the wish that “nobody make a fuss over me when I’m gone.” Unfortunately, such wishes might ignore the importance of memorialization to the survivors. A family may struggle to comply with the wishes of the deceased. However, they may also not want to cut themselves off from the important benefits of the traditional funeral service. If possible, families should discuss their wishes before arrangements are finalized.
I’m not sure I want a religious service. Is it still possible to have a funeral?
Some people request what is called a ‘humanistic’ type of funeral, where the deceased is remembered in any of a variety of ways. Some are gatherings of friends and family for a time of remembrance and sharing. Rites conducted by fraternal, military, or other organizations can be included in any type of funeral service. Almost any personal preference can be accomodated.
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Can we ‘customize’ the services for our loved one?
Absolutely. Most families do this to some extent by choosing the type of service, minister, donations to favorite charities, and place of the service. It is certainly acceptable to go further if desired. For example, calling hours can be held in the church or other facility. Committal services could include personal touches that the family may feel appropriate. Almost anything is possible, and your funeral director will be willing to work with you to make this important ritual fit the needs of your family and friends and reflect your wishes.